How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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