its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
