we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You ruined the universe
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
