That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
