If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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