Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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