I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
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Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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