i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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