saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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