There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
