We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
