please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
