mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
