Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
