he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
