i think i have herpe
just one?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
