she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
