Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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