well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
