Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
