I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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