i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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