just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
