dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
