Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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