just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
