May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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