I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
