Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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