Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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