My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
