I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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