I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I want a musical about memes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
