I must be too annoying 4 u.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
