need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
