the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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