I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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