Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
