this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
