i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
