So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Houston, we have a blender
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
