You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
