She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Randomize
