break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
