i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
