OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
