Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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