sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
