i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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