I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
