god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
