I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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