I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
