i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
