My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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