dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
