Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
