I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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