My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
