guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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