Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
