I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
