Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize