Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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