Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
