That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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