Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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