I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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