I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
