Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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