I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
