Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
