dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
3pm strippers are depressing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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