I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
