I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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